By Tom P. Blake
I admire single women age 50-plus who make the effort to get out and meet men instead of complaining about the lack of available men.
While there are lots of things to do and places to go in South Orange County where meeting a potential mate might happen, using the Internet to meet men improves a woman’s chances of finding a compatible match.
The Internet is one of the tools that Jacquie, not her true name, uses to meet men. She’s 58 and lives in the tri-cities area.
In March of this year, she emailed that she had met a man online in Oregon. She visited him and said, “He was polite, sweet, kind and, very, very much a gentleman, no ‘octopus arms.’ But, he has not come to see me and I refuse to spend any more money to go see him.”
Jacquie uses Match, eHarmony and Our Time to meet men.
“I have been dating about every day for the last month or so,” she said. “It’s been very much an eye-opener. I get lots of flirts, etc. Some dates have been pleasant, and I thought that I had perceived some sort of connection—then nothing. Online dating doesn’t work, until it does. So I slog onward.”
Jacquie described a first date she had July 31.
“It was at Starbucks” Jacquie said. “He was late, so I got into the coffee line, as it was very long. He arrived and looked good … like his photo. We got our coffee and seated ourselves. He proceeded to interrogate me about everything from why I divorced my husband, what my kids do for a living, what work I do, how much I make and what my activities are.”
“I felt like it was a job interview,” Jacquie continued. “I answered politely and tried to be charming and fun because I happen to like a fun time rather than a boring time. I tried to ask him questions as well, which, in my opinion, he answered with a bit too much detail for a first meeting, but everybody’s different. We wrapped it up and headed out the door. He said that he had had a nice time and asked to meet me again. I agreed. So far, so good.”
Thinking that you may have met a potential match is a positive feeling after a first date; how quickly things can change. As soon as Jacquie got to her car, a text message arrived on her cell phone from him.
Jacquie said, “It read: ‘Hi! It was good to meet you. You are different. I like that. But you did not ask me anything about myself. You did all the talking. You seem manic today. Are you bipolar?’”
Jacquie thought, “honest to God. Really?”
She added, “He followed with another text: ‘You are a little grandiose as well. This is also a symptom of bipolar. And you mentioned that after your divorce you were depressed. This is also a symptom of being manic-depressive.’”
Jacquie thought, “Normally. I have to pay for analysis!”
She replied to his texts: “This is offensive. I am a very accomplished person having created two successful careers in my 58 years. If I am too animated and/or proud of my life and my accomplishments for you, then it is a good thing you found out about it now. Thank you for the nice coffee date, best wishes.”
She emailed me: “Tom. What the heck was that all about? He kept grilling me … and I talk too much? Next.”
Blind dates can be a big challenge. The good news for Jacquie is she saw his true colors without investing any more time.
Tom Blake is a Dana Point resident and a former Dana Point businessman who has authored several books on middle-aged dating. See his website at www.findingloveafter60.com. (Time Marches on.) To comment: email@example.com.
The next Singles Age 50+ Meet and Greet will be Thursday, Aug. 27 from 5 p.m. to 7:30 p.m. at Tutor and Spunky’s Deli, 34085 Pacific Coast Highway, Dana Point. For more information, call 949.248.9008.
To join Tom Blake’s Finding Love After 50 Facebook group, visit www. facebook.com/groups/48063349638.